pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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