i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
