I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
