Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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