the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
