i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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