If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
