Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
