News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just pee around me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
