all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize