everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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