He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
