i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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