good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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