Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
