oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
