Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
