just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
