my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
