This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize