Cold hands, warm shart.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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