You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My balls are so social today.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
