Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
