Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
