dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
