i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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