Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
