On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
