$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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