This is not my ceiling
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
