just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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