You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
