i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
