ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
