I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
