I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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