Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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