I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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