Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
