Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
