chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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