2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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