i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is Oprah even human
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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