I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
