This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
