after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We talked him into tasing himself.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
