Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
