just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
