My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
