My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
