Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
