I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
