So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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