You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
